Why Trick or Treating is No Longer for My Family

My choice to no longer Trick or Treat has become a bit of a heated topic for me and family. I decided this year to put my foot down and stand up for what I believe and what I think is best for my son.

I was just 19 years old when I gave birth to my son.
I was young and totally lost as what I should do as a new young mom. Not only was I young, I was alone. Here I am, at just 19, with a child and his father is not around. It wasn’t just hard, but it was scary.

As a new mom, I was bombarded with all kinds of unwanted advice and suggestions. Though the thought behind the advice was what counted, it was still unwanted. I often found myself trapped. I didn’t know if I should raise my son the way I saw fit or be a people pleaser and do what others thought was right.

This is why, now, after 7 years… Trick or Treating is no longer for my family.

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As a child I was able to celebrate Halloween, and as a child I thought it was the greatest thing. I mean not many kids didn’t love candy. I was ready with my costume and my pillow case to collect all the candy I wanted. After I was done Trick or Treating, I would sit in a friends living room and we would all sort our candy to get everything we loved. I have some great memories because of Halloween.

But you see, the thing is, I was a child and I didn’t know any better. As a mother, my outlook on Halloween has drastically changed. Not so much Halloween itself, more of the Trick or Treating part. You see, I can’t grasp the concept of it. Everyday, we remind our children not to accept candy from strangers but once a year we dress our children up to do just that. To accept candy from strangers. My son has enjoyed Halloween over the past 7 years but I am deciding that this year, Trick or Treating is just not for us.

My choice is not a religious one but for the sheer fact that I am a total hypocrite for telling him not to do something and then when Halloween rolls around, letting him do what I told him not to.

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I have raised my son how I saw fit with the exception of a thing here and there, Halloween being one of those things. I put my belief to the side to please someone. Today, I had to give my phone to someone because I was ready to start a war via text message. In that brief moment I was reminded that I let people and their opinion on how I raise my son bother me. I was standing in the grocery store just about in tears because of this text message.

I was told my child should come before anything. I am trying to grasp how letting my child dress up in a costume to collect candy from people I don’t know is putting my sons best interest at heart? I gave my phone up because I would have said somethings I would later regret. I took a moment to breathe. It didn’t help because the rest of the evening I was on edge.

I am no longer 19 and I am no longer as impressionable as I once was. So today at 27 years old, I am saying that Trick o Treating is no longer for my family.

Ever since having my son, I have felt this way. This is a feeling that hasn’t changed and I let it sit in the back of my mind. I was made to feel like I was being a bad mom because I didn’t want to include my son in Trick or Treating.

I realize that I should not have to fight for that I believe is right for my son. I carried this child, I gave birth to him and I raised him. Why do I have to set aside what I believe is right because someone else feels I am leaving my son out of an important part of life.

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I am aware of alternatives so my son doesn’t totally lose out on the experience. I’m not really concerned with him losing anything but gaining something. I hope that I can teach my son that you should always stand up for what you believe in, no matter what. That if you wholeheartedly believe in something, you should stand for it.

I don’t plan to ruin Halloween for my son but find a better alternative for him. I can buy him his candy. I feel more comfortable purchasing the candy rather then him collecting candy from strangers. We can have fun and watch movies, bake Halloween style goodies and do Halloween crafts. Cuddle up on the couch and read Halloween books. There are so many other options out there that are so much better for my son.

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Over the last 7 years my son has had the chance to dress up and enjoy Halloween. My son will continue to enjoy Halloween for years to come. However, as his mother, as a mother who is learning to grow, I am saying No to Trick or Treating. I feel like a total hypocrite for allowing it all these years knowing how I truly feel. I chose to disappoint myself rather then someone close to me and I am now realizing, that is wrong and truly unfair to myself.

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In 2012 Hurricane Sandy rolled through and Halloween was cancelled. My son did not die because he couldn’t go Trick or Treating. My son was still breathing and managed to move on with his life. He has not been traumatized because of this, he will not have to seek professional help because of this. I am learning to not allow others influence my desires as a parent. I am learning to be a better mother, a better person and a better woman.

At the end of the day, as a single parent, I need to learn to stand my ground. I need to learn to walk away and remind people that this is my child and I will raise him how I see fit. The lesson I have learned is that no matter what, do not let others influence you or your beliefs. I let this happen for far too long and I now have to change my ways for a better life for my son and I.

Trick or Treating is No Longer for My Family.
I know I may get grief for this and that is okay. My beliefs are just that, mine. I would never push my beliefs on anyone and I expect the same in return. Apparently that is too much to ask.

As a parent, I am entitled to raise my son the way I see fit. We will continue to enjoy Halloween movies, and goodies but Trick or Treating is just not something we will be participating in. This is something that will always be controversial in my family, but at the end of the day, he is my son, I am his mother, and I have his best interest at heart.

Is there a certain holiday that you don’t celebrate but the rest of your family does? Or maybe you celebrate a holiday that your family does not? Does this become a heated topic for you? What tips do you have to avoid confrontation with family while standing your ground? 

Disclosure: This post is entirely owned by Adorkablii.com and has not in any way been sponsored. All images are owned by Adorkablii.com. All opinions are 100% my own.

Amanda Kee

15 Comments

  1. Reply

    Ashley B

    October 31, 2015

    I totally respect your decision. I’ve never felt this way because we knew all our neighbors in the states and at the fall festivals knew all the church members and school staff. We’re in Europe now so we do trunk or treat on base do I’ve always felt safe and of course we go through the candy and pick out opened or home made treats/candy.

    I applaud you for doing what you feel is best. No one can tell you how to raise your child. I for one (and not that my opinion matters) think you do a wonderful job with your boy. I hope you don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  2. Reply

    Uplifting Families

    November 2, 2015

    Good for you mama. I would much rather do this but we usually end up participating at our church’s Trunk or Treat. We let my son go to each of the cars once and that is it. I put up the candy last night so that I could slowly ration it. He doesn’t need a ton of sweets anyhow. I haven’t done door to door in a very long time.

  3. Reply

    mybeautyjunction

    November 3, 2015

    I don’t have kids yet but I have often wondered the same thing, so I totally respect your decision – friends tell me it’s okay when parents go along as well, but that seems to me as being more of a hassle, and there are so many other ways of enjoyment. No one should give you grief for putting your son’s welfare at heart! Sadly, unsolicited advice remains the world’s most freely available commodity.

  4. Reply

    Vera Sweeney

    November 3, 2015

    Parenting can be hard to decide what is right or wrong for your family with influence from others. Good for you for standing your ground with what you believe in. I am sure your son will still have a great Halloweens in the future.

  5. Reply

    Jennifer

    November 3, 2015

    This is exactly what I was trying to explain to my husband this year. Instead of door-to-door I accepted doing a truck or treat at church since we know everyone that is handing out candy. But the door-to-door is stopping 100%. My husband wasn’t on board because our youngest is 18 months old and is his first REAL Halloween but I didn’t see it that way at all. I didn’t see it as he “has to experience ToTing” why? Because society tells us that’s what kids have to do? No thank you. Good for you mama. Put your foot down and stand up for what YOU believe in and raise your son how YOU want to!

  6. Reply

    Beena Bandwalkar

    November 3, 2015

    This is such an honest post.

  7. Reply

    Stefanie Whelchel Cornwall

    November 3, 2015

    No judgement here! I totally agree. I think even in small communities it is difficult to KNOW everyone. Yes, we know of them and we know their name but I don’t know if they have any ill intent for me or my children. It’s sad that it’s the sate of the world we live in but it’s true. Very honest post and I appreciate that!

  8. Reply

    Felicita Moncada

    November 3, 2015

    I totally understand your view! My husband’s family didn’t celebrate Halloween but for religious reasons. We actually do an exchange with our kids. We get some an inexpensive toy they wanted and exchange for the candy. They are actually REALLY good about giving up the candy since we don’t allow them to eat it often. We also only Trick or treat in our neighborhood which is enclosed so if you don’t live there you have no reason to go into our community. Its tight-knit and everyone knows each other.

  9. Reply

    Kita Bryant

    November 3, 2015

    Totally understand your view. Children will be okay and they are grown they can make up their own mind on things. I don’t usually celebrate we just buy candy for the kids and attend a party or something but nothing to grand.

  10. Reply

    MrsTee

    November 4, 2015

    I can completely relate. Neither my husband or myself believe in allowing our kids to eat candy from strangers. Our mutual decision has been to let them do the trick or treat walks and such that our town offers but they each know now to eat even on epiece of that candy. Instead we donate it or ask for the non-candy options and then we buy them candy at home that they can have during the season. I agree with you that your decisions are what matters for your son. I was a teen mom and often placed my feelings and gut feelings to the side because of it but I have learned that isn’t good for me or my kids. Kudos to you for making a stand!

  11. Reply

    christina aliperti

    November 6, 2015

    It’s so important that you do what is right for your family. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If you decide that something just isn’t for your family, that’s should be it. You go with your gut and do what feels right.

  12. Reply

    Chanel | Cultural Xplorer

    November 6, 2015

    As a child, I was actually not allowed to go trick or treating because of my mother’s religious beliefs – and I did not die. As a parent, you have to decide what is best for you and your family. I really considered the fact that we tell kids not to talk to strangers except for on Halloween, but now you have definitely made me think about this issue more!

  13. Reply

    Danielle

    November 7, 2015

    Have you seen all the stories that came up in the news this year for sewing needles and razor blades in them? so scary. apparently they say this used to go on in the 80s and I don’t remember. I totally get your decision and there are still tons of fun ways to enjoy the day. For me it’s a pain because my 5 year old has a major sweet tooth and doesn’t understand limits on his candy consumption and i spend all day saying no, thats enough.

  14. Reply

    Louise ღ (@louisechelle)

    November 8, 2015

    Never thought of this principle but you’re very right. Our world have changed. There are now a lot of opportunists (criminal minds) who an use the concept of Halloween, specifically the candy giving to get closer to children. I admire you for standing up with what you believe in.

  15. Reply

    YellowTennessee

    November 13, 2015

    That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I respect your right up parent how you see fit.

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