It’s not okay, Because you are beautiful.

September 30, 2015

We are our own worst critics and everyday we judge ourselves. We stand and look in the mirror and wonder why do we look the way we look. Why can’t we change this or why can’t we change that? We call the things we don’t like about ourselves flaws and hope that in itself is enough to explain what we don’t like. We talk down to ourselves and we call ourselves names while we tell our children not to make fun of others.

This is not okay, Because we are beautiful, you are beautiful, and she is beautiful.

ItsNotOkay_001
I have had major confidence issues. I never thought in a million years I would be sitting here, at my computer typing a post like this. I never thought in a million years I would be putting myself out their like I am about too.

But here I am, a person I never thought I would be. I never thought I would be someone to say that I am in fact beautiful. I never thought that until recently. I was never okay with who I was or how I looked. I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. I always swore I’d be alone, I’d never fall in love and I never thought anyone would want me.

I used to go around calling myself fat, and still at times I do. But I am realizing these things are not okay. Not only because I am hurting myself without even realizing it but because I am hurting my son. I am showing my son that it is okay to call myself names. So whats going to happen one day when he chooses to call a woman fat because I called myself fat? He can argue that she calls herself fat so I am going to call her fat too. And that is not okay!

It is not okay to talk down to ourselves… It is not okay to belittle ourselves… It is not okay to think we are any less than anyone else.
It’s not okay, Because you are beautiful, We are beautiful, She is beautiful!

ItsNotOkay_002

This is me in a nut shell. Let me rephrase that… This use to be me in a nutshell.

I have blonde eyebrows and blonde eyelashes. This to me is weird and makes my forehead appear extra-large! I never thought I was pretty enough. I was not a fan of my freckles. I have them all over my face, my shoulders and my arms. I don’t like pink and think my lips are too pink. I hate that my face is so chubby. My pores are huge. I hate it and I’m tired of trying to do things to make them smaller. I have never been a fan of my hair. I shed a lot and it’s always knotty. Because of this, I normally wear it in a messy bun. I have thick thighs and I hate it because I am always burning holes in my pants. I have arm fat and yes it wiggles. So no, I have no plans to raise my arm and wave! I am over weight and have been for some time. I am always wondering why am I here. What is my purpose in this life, why was I put here? How can anyone ever love me? Why would anyone ever love me? I’m no one. I’m no one worth loving…

These are things I used to think all the time… But now, I have come to realize a few things…

ItsNotOkay_003

I have wild hair because I was blessed with my mothers locks.
I have blonde eye brows and lashes because that is just how God wanted me to be.
I have pink lips because they give my face natural color with my pale skin tone.
I have freckles because I am just awesome like that!
I am pretty enough.
I am loved…By many but most importantly, I love myself!
Yep! I have huge pores and that is okay. I just have to wash my face well!
I have thick thighs and I have a gut. I have also carried a child in this gut and gave a person a life.
My stretch marks tell me that I love food and have birthed a child.
My face is cubby because it’s cute that way.

I took everything that I thought was a negative and turned it into a positive. Why? Because they were not intended to be negatives, they were not intended to be considered flaws. They are part of who I am and what I have been through. They are apart of me and my story.

ItsNotOkay_004

We wake up everyday and prepare for what we hope will be a good day. We prepare to tackle any challenges that may come our way.

I am a thinker. Often times when I take a shower I find myself thinking. My showers turn into long showers because I stand under the hot water crying. I am a person who cries. It’s how I feel and how I can release everything that is bothering me.

When I get home from work I want to do one of two things. Shower or just go to bed. It depends on the day, what I did and how gross I feel. Often, almost always, I leave my makeup the way it is. I just forget that I should take it off. I get in the shower or in bed and my thinking starts. I think about life, love, where will I be, Jaiden, my mom, my dad, and everything in-between.

In the recent days my mom has had some major health problems. These health problems have left me in tears. She’s blacking out and not remembering anything. She’s in the pool, blacked out and coming too in the bathroom. This has me worried. She’s my mom and I am still young. I’m not ready for her to go. No one is ever ready of course, but I need my mom. She’s my mom and I will always need her. Her blacking out has me so worried that when I lay down at night after a long day at work, I just want to cry.

So, I cry….

I never took my make up off, so here I am, a blubbering mess! I’m tired and I do my best to look like I wasn’t crying all night. I do my best to look like I didn’t just roll out of bed. I do my best to look presentable and not like a slob.

No, I am too tired from a sleepless night and crying to curl my hair or straighten it. So I take my crazy wild full thick curly hair and throw it in a messy crazy bun and call it a day. I take a baby wipe and wipe my face free of the makeup that ran down my chubby cheeks. I then grab my make up bag and go over the makeup that is always there because I don’t have time to remove it all and start over. I am already running late so there is no time to make it perfect.

See, I try to make myself presentable for a multitude of reasons. No, I don’t want you to ask why my eyes are red or why I am sniffling. No, I don’t want you to ask why my eyes are puffy or why I look so tired. So I do my best to look presentable because I don’t need you to ask me if I am okay and why I look like I just rolled out of bed.

I fix my hair up in a messy bun and clear my face of any makeup that ran down my face not only because I don’t want you to ask questions but because despite that I spent my night crying and worrying about my mom, I want to feel good about myself. There is something about makeup that makes a girl feel she is at her best. I don’t wear it because I think I am ugly, I wear it because I want to embrace my natural beauty, I wear it because it doesn’t allow you to see all my worries.

I am beautiful with or without makeup. I like makeup because it makes me feel extra pretty. It helps hide my thoughts and my stress.
I could have a pounding headache but hey, I may feel like crap but I don’t want to look like crap too. Because of makeup, I can rock my beauty and not look like a thing is bothering me, meanwhile I feel like a team of super mini people were playing basketball with a bowling ball in my head. But you can’t tell, because makeup rocks!

ItsNotOkay_005

As woman, we struggle everyday to fit the perfect image, whatever the perfect image is. We don’t wear make up for you, we do it for ourselves. We like to get our nails done not because of you, not because our friends do it, we do it because we like to feel pretty when were feeling down. We like to be girly.

Woman, You, The one reading this…. You are beautiful! Continue to smile, continue to embrace life, continue to be kind, thoughtful, generous and be you!
You are beautiful, your neighbor is beautiful, the woman on the bus is beautiful, we are all beautiful.

Do not talk bad about yourself. Embrace what God has given you and work it!

I hated myself. I never thought in a million years someone would love me. I never thought I would settle down, I never thought a guy would ask me out. I truly believed I was ugly despite that my personality was beautiful. I thought my physical part was never good enough. I don’t know if I will ever settle down, I don’t know if I will ever find love and have a family besides Jaiden and, but the thing is, now, I know its possible. Because I know that I am beautiful and I am worth more than what I thought. I know I deserve love where before I didn’t think I deserved it

I am not skinny and I doubt I ever will be. I am currently 214.3 pounds. My highest weight was 254.8
I have fat all around, and those love handles and you know what, it’s whatever.

I am beautiful! And so are you!!!

Now go on, and be beautiful and shine on!!

Disclosure: This post is entirely owned by Adorkablii.com and has not in any way been sponsored. All images are owned by Adorkablii.com. All opinions are 100% my own.

Previous Post Next Post

You may also like

42 Comments

  • Sara-Jayne

    You are so right, we need to embrace ourselves because, well, why not? And you are so beautiful! I would LOVE your hair, and freckles – my granny used to say that they were beauty spots! I’m so sorry about your mum – I hope that you can get some answers for her, it’s terrifying when someone we love has health issues.

    September 30, 2015 at 7:32 am Reply
  • Melanie

    Love this post!!

    September 30, 2015 at 8:12 am Reply
  • amomhavingfun

    You are so right. I think a lot of the problem too is other people always pointing out our faults instead of our positives. It’s such a battle of the mind. I love your attitude. Congratulations on turning around the way you think of yourself. :-)

    September 30, 2015 at 8:24 am Reply
  • Nancy L.

    You are right. You are beautiful! I don’t see the flaws you see. I see gorgeous hair (beautiful color!), stunning eyes, perfect skin. I would need your lips for my lipstick reviews…hee-hee. They’re perfect! O’kay…I’ll be happy with my thin lips! :)
    Being beautiful on the inside is far more important. I know so many people who have physical beauty, but once you get to know them…eeew! I want to run away from them!

    September 30, 2015 at 1:39 pm Reply
  • lbosworth

    Unfortunately, many of us women grow up with negative messages we receive from the media and even family and friends about how our bodies should look.It’s so damaging that we must reclaim our bodies and our beauty and the first way is to look at our bodies in a positive light as you are doing.

    September 30, 2015 at 3:46 pm Reply
  • Jaime Nicole

    This is a really healthy conversation to have with yourself. It’s true, our kids see and hear (and internalize) a lot of what we say so we want to make sure we are happy with the quality of messages they are receiving. I am so happy that you are in a place of positivity and that you finally see how beautiful you are.

    September 30, 2015 at 7:28 pm Reply
  • Tiaras & Tantrums

    being a red head can be hard – I was tortured as a child and teenager for being a red head and freckle puss and VERY pale – almost death like, red eyebrows and lashes – it sucks. You just have to learn to build a very thick skin and let it roll off your back! It takes a while and now I could give two hoots what someone thinks of me – glad to hear you are there too!

    September 30, 2015 at 10:17 pm Reply
  • Cara (@StylishGeek)

    I enjoyed reading this post and am thankful for opening up this very important topic. I have a daughter and I would love to empower her to love herself and her uniqueness….and allow no one to let her believe otherwise.

    October 1, 2015 at 5:28 pm Reply
  • Crystal McWhirter-Lopez

    This is such an important topic as we raise our children. I could not imagine being 12 or 13 in today’s society. People are so cruel. There are so many pressures. Self worth is so important to teach to our children- both boys and girls.

    October 1, 2015 at 5:40 pm Reply
  • Melissa

    I love this post and your honesty. I agree – we are truly our worst critic. We must love ourselves completely before anyone else can love us. It is so hard but building self esteem is the key. Thanks for being so real and you are simply gorgeous!

    October 2, 2015 at 9:47 am Reply
  • MrsTee

    Basolutely amazing, well-written and inspiring post. I used to look at myself in a way that was so unhealthy and then I realized that regardless of whatever faults I saw I was still beautiful. I love the photos and imagery used…great post!

    October 3, 2015 at 4:58 am Reply
  • Desirae young

    I love your post and your honestly! I feel like this is me most days! I cannot tell you how much I put myself down and how much I think about how much I hate my body. No matter how many times my husband tells me he loves me, I still never believe him. I wish I could easily forget all my flaws and just love myself.

    October 3, 2015 at 6:58 pm Reply
  • Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    You are spot on. I am SOOOO hard on myself and sometimes I do say it out loud. I need to knock it off.

    October 13, 2015 at 11:11 am Reply
  • Jeanette

    This is a great post and a wonderful reminder to love ourselves. We are all beautiful each in our own way and we can’t let society tell us different!

    October 13, 2015 at 11:26 am Reply
  • Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle

    This was such a wonderful post. Too many times, we as women try to fit ourselves into another mold, or judge ourselves for what we aren’t instead of embracing what we are.

    October 13, 2015 at 11:47 am Reply
  • lisa

    This is an amazing post. We all need to realize that we are beautiful in our own way and we were made this way for a reason. I think all women should read your post.

    October 13, 2015 at 2:07 pm Reply
  • Sarah Bailey

    I love this post and go you! What a fantastic way to look at yourself, I’m still stuck on all the negatives about myself, I think I’m going to keep this post in my bookmarks and re-read it from time to time.

    October 13, 2015 at 2:49 pm Reply
  • Jennifer Van Huss

    Great post!! You are beautiful! I think we are all too critical about our appearance! Instead we should try to focus on what makes us unique and embrace it!

    October 13, 2015 at 4:26 pm Reply
  • Ricci

    This is such a great post! You are beautiful girl!!!

    October 13, 2015 at 11:28 pm Reply
  • miss (@thedealmatch)

    Thanks for your honesty. This article will remind everyone to always be positive and be confidence.

    October 14, 2015 at 1:23 am Reply
  • Mykidsguide

    We often think we are not beautiful because that is how we see ourselves. We definitely need to change this attitude.

    October 14, 2015 at 4:32 am Reply
  • Tatanisha Pitts-Worthey

    “It’s okay, because you’re beautiful.” I LOVE IT! We should practice telling this to ourselves from time to time. We’ll all have our ups and downs but it’s okay. :)

    October 14, 2015 at 5:52 am Reply
  • Uplifting Families

    I have to tell myself the same thing. I have been heavy most of my adult life. At this point, I can’t exercise like I wish. Back problems suck. It makes walking hard 95% of the time.

    October 14, 2015 at 10:03 am Reply
  • livingoffloveandcoffee

    I’m often there on the side of criticizing myself too much. What a beautiful post.

    October 14, 2015 at 12:51 pm Reply
  • CourtneyLynne

    Omg love this!!! You are beautiful!! I was just on Twitter talking about how we need to aknowledge these kinds of things more! It’s so important.

    October 14, 2015 at 2:46 pm Reply
  • Ann Bacciaglia

    Our kids learn from watching us. If we are always putting our self down then they are learning to be that way towards them self. This is a fantastic post.

    October 14, 2015 at 3:30 pm Reply
  • Chubskulit Rose

    That’s my problem. Every time I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see.

    October 14, 2015 at 3:51 pm Reply
  • Britni

    I LOVE IT! This is such an important message for all women. As I Mom, how I see myself directly affects my kids. It isn’t always easy to love ourselves as we are but, it is such an important thing to do.

    October 14, 2015 at 4:52 pm Reply
  • chbernard

    Such a powerful post! I love the image with the ‘flaws’ it really helps us all to be aware of our thoughts. We need to be kinder to ourselves!

    October 14, 2015 at 9:50 pm Reply
  • jo

    I definitely am with you, we are all beautiful. I was just thinking about it awhile ago, not really beautiful as a woman, but since we were born, each of us is precious! This is a gift we should appreciate. Do not let yourself down. I think I had confidence issues too when I was in college, but I got through it. :) Stay happy and confident, pretty! :)

    October 15, 2015 at 2:41 pm Reply
  • Ashlee

    Amen! I wish more women would realize how beautiful they are!

    October 16, 2015 at 2:54 pm Reply
  • Annemarie LeBlanc

    I don’t think of myself as beautiful, I am just plain looking. Pregnancy and childbirth gave me a big flabby belly and it does not help my confidence at all. My hubby said I should be proud of that belly, because in it I carried 3 beautiful children. I have always been on the chubby side and I don’t like it. My biggest fan, my husband, always tries to uplift my spirits by saying, “I love you, all of you, fat and all.”

    October 16, 2015 at 11:04 pm Reply
  • Ourfamilyworld

    After giving birth to two kids, I got really big and I don’t see myself as beautiful. It’s my husband who always tell me that I’m beautiful even with the flab. I guess I really should change the way I look at myself. Thanks for this post.

    October 17, 2015 at 5:53 am Reply
  • michele d

    What a heartfelt story. I think we all look at ourselves differently. -And perhaps think change would help. There are just some things in life you just can change. As for your mom, I am sorry she is having health issues. My mom is too. It’s sad to see someone we love go through this. I wish her well. Stay strong my friend.

    October 17, 2015 at 7:02 am Reply
  • coolchillmom

    This is an amazing post. Yay for you on getting the courage to write it. We have to embrace ourselves. You are beautiful on so many ways!

    October 17, 2015 at 9:08 am Reply
  • Liz Mays

    I love how you said they were a part of your story. That’s an awesome way to look at things!

    October 17, 2015 at 3:49 pm Reply
  • Tami

    As I looked at your pictures, I never saw a fat girl. It didn’t even occur to me what your size or weight was. Yet, I think about my weight all the time. I am 200+ and feeling very blah about myself.

    October 18, 2015 at 7:21 am Reply
  • Bonnie @wemake7

    I really love your post. I’m glad that you are able to talk about your personal story. I cry a lot too, unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever feel good about the way I look. I’m overweight too and it really dampens the way I feel about myself. Hopefully someday I can think and feel like this too. That I am beautiful..

    October 18, 2015 at 7:32 am Reply
  • Erin (@SugarCrumbs)

    Oh, this post is absolutely beautiful. Just like you! I can tell you this… I didnt think any of those things about you when I saw the picture. You’re a stunning young woman, inside and out!

    October 18, 2015 at 10:28 am Reply
  • Lynndee

    You are beautiful! For me, beauty is not about the outside appearance, it is within.

    October 18, 2015 at 10:45 am Reply
  • Becka

    This is such a great post. You truly are beautiful. :) I know where you are coming from I’ve often felt the same way

    November 4, 2015 at 1:31 pm Reply
  • Gabriel

    Being bombarded by one standard of beauty constantly can tear down even people with strong self esteem. If yours had been weakened by people around you it can be devastating.

    November 4, 2015 at 4:23 pm Reply
  • Leave a Reply