We are our own worst critics and everyday we judge ourselves. We stand and look in the mirror and wonder why do we look the way we look. Why can’t we change this or why can’t we change that? We call the things we don’t like about ourselves flaws and hope that in itself is enough to explain what we don’t like. We talk down to ourselves and we call ourselves names while we tell our children not to make fun of others.
This is not okay, Because we are beautiful, you are beautiful, and she is beautiful.
I have had major confidence issues. I never thought in a million years I would be sitting here, at my computer typing a post like this. I never thought in a million years I would be putting myself out their like I am about too.
But here I am, a person I never thought I would be. I never thought I would be someone to say that I am in fact beautiful. I never thought that until recently. I was never okay with who I was or how I looked. I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. I always swore I’d be alone, I’d never fall in love and I never thought anyone would want me.
I used to go around calling myself fat, and still at times I do. But I am realizing these things are not okay. Not only because I am hurting myself without even realizing it but because I am hurting my son. I am showing my son that it is okay to call myself names. So whats going to happen one day when he chooses to call a woman fat because I called myself fat? He can argue that she calls herself fat so I am going to call her fat too. And that is not okay!
It is not okay to talk down to ourselves… It is not okay to belittle ourselves… It is not okay to think we are any less than anyone else.
It’s not okay, Because you are beautiful, We are beautiful, She is beautiful!
This is me in a nut shell. Let me rephrase that… This use to be me in a nutshell.
I have blonde eyebrows and blonde eyelashes. This to me is weird and makes my forehead appear extra-large! I never thought I was pretty enough. I was not a fan of my freckles. I have them all over my face, my shoulders and my arms. I don’t like pink and think my lips are too pink. I hate that my face is so chubby. My pores are huge. I hate it and I’m tired of trying to do things to make them smaller. I have never been a fan of my hair. I shed a lot and it’s always knotty. Because of this, I normally wear it in a messy bun. I have thick thighs and I hate it because I am always burning holes in my pants. I have arm fat and yes it wiggles. So no, I have no plans to raise my arm and wave! I am over weight and have been for some time. I am always wondering why am I here. What is my purpose in this life, why was I put here? How can anyone ever love me? Why would anyone ever love me? I’m no one. I’m no one worth loving…
These are things I used to think all the time… But now, I have come to realize a few things…
I have wild hair because I was blessed with my mothers locks.
I have blonde eye brows and lashes because that is just how God wanted me to be.
I have pink lips because they give my face natural color with my pale skin tone.
I have freckles because I am just awesome like that!
I am pretty enough.
I am loved…By many but most importantly, I love myself!
Yep! I have huge pores and that is okay. I just have to wash my face well!
I have thick thighs and I have a gut. I have also carried a child in this gut and gave a person a life.
My stretch marks tell me that I love food and have birthed a child.
My face is cubby because it’s cute that way.
I took everything that I thought was a negative and turned it into a positive. Why? Because they were not intended to be negatives, they were not intended to be considered flaws. They are part of who I am and what I have been through. They are apart of me and my story.
We wake up everyday and prepare for what we hope will be a good day. We prepare to tackle any challenges that may come our way.
I am a thinker. Often times when I take a shower I find myself thinking. My showers turn into long showers because I stand under the hot water crying. I am a person who cries. It’s how I feel and how I can release everything that is bothering me.
When I get home from work I want to do one of two things. Shower or just go to bed. It depends on the day, what I did and how gross I feel. Often, almost always, I leave my makeup the way it is. I just forget that I should take it off. I get in the shower or in bed and my thinking starts. I think about life, love, where will I be, Jaiden, my mom, my dad, and everything in-between.
In the recent days my mom has had some major health problems. These health problems have left me in tears. She’s blacking out and not remembering anything. She’s in the pool, blacked out and coming too in the bathroom. This has me worried. She’s my mom and I am still young. I’m not ready for her to go. No one is ever ready of course, but I need my mom. She’s my mom and I will always need her. Her blacking out has me so worried that when I lay down at night after a long day at work, I just want to cry.
So, I cry….
I never took my make up off, so here I am, a blubbering mess! I’m tired and I do my best to look like I wasn’t crying all night. I do my best to look like I didn’t just roll out of bed. I do my best to look presentable and not like a slob.
No, I am too tired from a sleepless night and crying to curl my hair or straighten it. So I take my crazy wild full thick curly hair and throw it in a messy crazy bun and call it a day. I take a baby wipe and wipe my face free of the makeup that ran down my chubby cheeks. I then grab my make up bag and go over the makeup that is always there because I don’t have time to remove it all and start over. I am already running late so there is no time to make it perfect.
See, I try to make myself presentable for a multitude of reasons. No, I don’t want you to ask why my eyes are red or why I am sniffling. No, I don’t want you to ask why my eyes are puffy or why I look so tired. So I do my best to look presentable because I don’t need you to ask me if I am okay and why I look like I just rolled out of bed.
I fix my hair up in a messy bun and clear my face of any makeup that ran down my face not only because I don’t want you to ask questions but because despite that I spent my night crying and worrying about my mom, I want to feel good about myself. There is something about makeup that makes a girl feel she is at her best. I don’t wear it because I think I am ugly, I wear it because I want to embrace my natural beauty, I wear it because it doesn’t allow you to see all my worries.
I am beautiful with or without makeup. I like makeup because it makes me feel extra pretty. It helps hide my thoughts and my stress.
I could have a pounding headache but hey, I may feel like crap but I don’t want to look like crap too. Because of makeup, I can rock my beauty and not look like a thing is bothering me, meanwhile I feel like a team of super mini people were playing basketball with a bowling ball in my head. But you can’t tell, because makeup rocks!
As woman, we struggle everyday to fit the perfect image, whatever the perfect image is. We don’t wear make up for you, we do it for ourselves. We like to get our nails done not because of you, not because our friends do it, we do it because we like to feel pretty when were feeling down. We like to be girly.
Woman, You, The one reading this…. You are beautiful! Continue to smile, continue to embrace life, continue to be kind, thoughtful, generous and be you!
You are beautiful, your neighbor is beautiful, the woman on the bus is beautiful, we are all beautiful.
Do not talk bad about yourself. Embrace what God has given you and work it!
I hated myself. I never thought in a million years someone would love me. I never thought I would settle down, I never thought a guy would ask me out. I truly believed I was ugly despite that my personality was beautiful. I thought my physical part was never good enough. I don’t know if I will ever settle down, I don’t know if I will ever find love and have a family besides Jaiden and, but the thing is, now, I know its possible. Because I know that I am beautiful and I am worth more than what I thought. I know I deserve love where before I didn’t think I deserved it
I am not skinny and I doubt I ever will be. I am currently 214.3 pounds. My highest weight was 254.8
I have fat all around, and those love handles and you know what, it’s whatever.
I am beautiful! And so are you!!!
Now go on, and be beautiful and shine on!!
Disclosure: This post is entirely owned by Adorkablii.com and has not in any way been sponsored. All images are owned by Adorkablii.com. All opinions are 100% my own.